Are there different types of Love? Does Love have Languages? If so how do I speak the Language? These are questions we are going to explore for you.
Let’s start from the beginning. Yes there are different types of Love because we love certain people in different ways i.e. you love your family members in a very different way to the way you love your spouse or partner - In the Greek language there are four types of love:
Agape – This is the Godly type of love it is the love God has for us; It is perfect and unconditional.
Eros – This is romantic love, it is passionate and intimate love; it is associated with the love you have for your spouse.
Philios – This is the type of love you develop for a friend, someone special, whom you have a close bond with.
Storge – This means “love affection” this is the type of love you have for your family member i.e. your parents, siblings, children etc.
What about Love Languages?
What are they? Why do we need to know what they are? The answer is if you want to have better connections in your relationships it’s beneficial to know the different ways people feel loved or prefer to be loved - this includes how you feel loved too.
Until a few years ago I never knew there were languages of love. Then I read a book by an author named Gary Chapman. The book was called ‘The 5 Love Languages’ he’s written lots of books on love and marriage etc. I read the edition he wrote for singles, and it really opened my eyes. I’m not surprised the original book sold so many copies and still sells today as it was really enlightening. So many people don’t know about these effective ways to love, as the book title states there are 5 love languages, so let’s look at them individually:
Acts of Service – This is demonstrated through helping someone with something e.g. getting your spouse’s car cleaned while they are away.
Receiving Gifts – This can be expressed by buying a gift for someone to show appreciation; it doesn’t have to be big or expensive, it can be just a little thing you do as a gesture or to show gratitude e.g. Giving someone something you’ve made; or a memento as a reminder from a special day. You can even pick some wild flowers - anything the person would like.
Words of Affirmation – This is giving kind, encouraging words, compliments, anything that will make someone feel special or appreciated e.g. telling someone you love them.
Quality Time – This involves spending time with someone, it normally involves doing something special that you both like. It doesn’t have to be an expensive day out, or a holiday e.g. taking your spouse for a romantic walk in the park.
Physical Touch – This doesn’t just mean sexual intimacy as these 5 love languages are for any and all relationships for example it could be giving someone a hug, a high-five, putting your arm around someone as a sign of protection or holding their hand when you are out.
My personal Primary love language is physical touch, and my secondary love language is quality time; I’m a big hugger and I enjoy spending time with people. I think that my love languages developed as a child because my Mum spent lots of quality time with me and I used to cuddle up to her on the couch a lot as a kid; it was something I loved to do so I think that definitely influenced my love language.
These 5 love languages are the same for any relationships you have whether it be in marriage or for your relationship with your children your parents, siblings, friends anyone. These love languages are examples of how we show love to others, but these are also the ways you receive love. Even though all 5 are important for healthy relationships you will most likely have a Primary love language that will express the way you feel loved the most. You will probably have a secondary one too that you enjoy nearly as much as your primary one.
You may be able to identify your personal love language from this list, or you may feel like you need to do the test yourself to get a clearer understanding of what your love language is; to help you do this we have copied the link to the website - Just hit the link below:
You can also purchase the book from the 5 love languages website or if you prefer you can purchase it on Amazon.
I encourage you to learn about your own love language and the love language of other people you would like to connect with, this will help to develop your friendships, marriages, and even bonds you have with your children. For example if you really enjoy spending quality time with your spouse. Your partner on the other hand may show his love through physical touch i.e. he likes to hug you when you are sat on the sofa watching a movie. If your spouse speaks a different love language and you don’t know each other’s language it can affect your relationship - A love language is the way you feel love, and the way you show love.
For example if your primary love language is Words of Affirmation you will speak that the most, but that could be the least important on your spouses list. It’s nice if you speak loving, kind words to your spouse or loved one, and I’m sure they appreciate hearing it but their primary love language might be acts of service so they would feel loved more if you cleaned the bathroom or put the bin out without being asked. So for the best relationships you need to speak your loved ones primary love language regularly and they should do the same for you.
As Christians Jesus tells us the best way to love is to love others as we love ourselves. (Matt 22:39)
One of the most famous Bible verses on love is found in:
1 Corinthians 13 4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Much Love & Blessings,
The CLM Team
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